oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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