White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
