Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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