Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
