So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
