just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
