She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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