the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
try to milk me bitch
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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