he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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