I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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