I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize