dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
