You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
