you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
