Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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