That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
