Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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