I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
