he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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