I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
