The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
