we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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