I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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