She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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