it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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