my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
