I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
