Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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