I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize