I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
