batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize