If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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