Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize