i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize