that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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