OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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