So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
