I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
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