This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
