Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I forget how to act sober
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
