Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i now understand why vodka
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
