i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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