We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
soo... how was my night?
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