Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
