I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
