You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
