At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
