I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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