no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
