Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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