Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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