it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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