I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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