And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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