Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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