There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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