it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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