i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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