Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
