Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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