Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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