btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
