I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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