Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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