maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
