they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
