At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
