i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
