Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
